Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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