4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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