is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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