What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
