This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
