also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
