im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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