Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
