i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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