So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
