So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
