i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
