How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
