yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
