between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
