i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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