Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have feelings that need drinking.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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