New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
