my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize