I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
