someone get that fucking seahorse.
i love accidental penises.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
