you turned your livingroom into a bong?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
