if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
