Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
