My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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