I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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