I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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