I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
