You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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