He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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