She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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