Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
