Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
