You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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