Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
please don't ironically join a cult
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