I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
