billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
