I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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