Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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