So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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