Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
