he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
