I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
