you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
