we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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