Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That accounts for only three of the penises
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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