I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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