his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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