what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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