you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
