Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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