I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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