I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
