I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
