Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
