I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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