I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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