I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
