Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
