just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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