found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
