Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
