we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
