apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
