Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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