When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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