i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
