Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
