I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
