I bet he comes in French.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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