I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
