I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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