I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
