Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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