just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
