you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
