We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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