Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
