is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
