this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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