I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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