how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
