i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
