hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
