is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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