i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
