Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
