I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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