My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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