So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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