Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
